Brighter Days (Poem)

BRIGHTER DAYS By: Me (Seekingsunshine)

Looking back to how things used to be...A boy stuck inside wanting so much to be free...The rages that overtook your body everyday...The words that you wanted to speak but could not say

The days went by as you constantly raged... 10+ times a day for up to 5 hours each... Not knowing how to help you... my heart was skipped beats...

You were so aggressive, hurting others without seeming to care... I wanted to hope for a brighter future but could not dare...

The man in your belly who laughed and made you do bad things was always there... Wanting so much for happiness... This all seemed so unfair...

You were so depressed that you longed to die... Being a six-year-old you thought all the ways you could... Wondering about your future all I could do was cry...

Your anxiety was so bad you wanted to do things but your body resisted... Your emotions were so confusing that they seemed to be twisted...

Days were so blue as there was no sunshine in our hearts... We held you for many hours "Therapeutically" and wondered if this was how it would always be.

You were so sick but I did not realize... Aggressive to animals, choking gramma, unbuckling your seatbelt in moving cars...

Aggressive at school, touching your teacher's "Inappropriately" for some reason became normal to me

We got so used of living that way... So much we never thought a change would come... Until one day...

The hardest decision of my life... One which made my heart feel cut like a knife...

At six-years-old we sent you away...

To a hospital all alone as you begged me "Mommy please don't leave me here...

Please I'll be good Momma". I wanted so much to hold you forever and make things okay.

You stayed in that room for 15 of my longest days...

Each one you were gone seemed like forever as I prayed that my baby boy would get better.

They were able to fix your medications, keep you safe, watch you all day and night to make sure that you were alright.

When you came home it seemed like a dream.

No more terrors in the night, rages or that man in your belly who filled you with fright.

I had a chance to meet my sweet boy I always hoped was hiding inside.

These days my heart is filled with pride.

For I know that the decisions I made were right.

One-and-a-half years later you are still here with me.

Thankful forever for the changes we've seen.

Never thought that things could get better in the past.

Now we have brighter days that I hope forever will last.

You have changed so much my little man.

You smile, are progressing in school, and doing all that you can. Mommy is so proud of all you have done.

For Bipolar is a life long journey but these first victories I can proudly say "We've Won"!

To all the other parents whose days seem so blue...

Never give up hope...

Things can get better then you can ever believe...

If you only imagine and keep fighting to succeed.