First Day of School 2012

Honeybunches seems to be transitioning just fine to school starting.  In previous years he struggled a lot with anxiety for a few nights before school, not sleeping well, asking a lot of questions about his worries, and being really sad.  This year none of that happened.  I think that's partly thanks to his Lithium level being so high but also thanks to him having the same teacher and aide.  He went to sleep fine last night.  His teacher did an awesome job of getting him a communication book all set up.  She wrote how he had an "Amazing day" except for one "Speed bump at P.E time when he didn't want to join the children, but he worked it through with no aggression and by using his words".  

This morning I went to his school to bring his meds to the nurse, sign paperwork for him to be given that med, bring the medication orders for water and Tenex his pdoc filled out, to sign a Release of Information for his new school counselor to talk to his outside one, and to give her the "About Elijah" packet I made up for her.  When I walked in the new principal greeted me right away saying "Hi" and my 1st name.  That amazed me and made me feel very welcome.  She remembered me although Honeybunches was only at her previous school from August-October 2008.  I wonder why she remembered me?  Is it because he visited her office many times?  Because I'm a good advocate for him or shall I say complain a lot? Whatever the reason I guess it's okay.  It just had me wondering today... She was really nice and walked me to the new counselor's office instead of me just putting the papers in her mailbox.  I got to meet her, although we remembered eachother from Princess, Angel and Shnooks whom she worked with some more than others at the 5-6 grade school she came from.  She said "So I hear (Honeybunches) does better with men"?  So somebody briefed her about him a bit already.  Hooray and thank you to whomever is advocating for him so well early in the year!!! I mentioned a few things to her about how he might do well the 1st visit or two but then will most likely test her to see what he can get away with and how she'll react.  I also asked her if she had Emotional BINGO because he loved to play that with Ms C his old counselor at school and L his outside counselor. She had something similar called Feelings BINGO that should be a hit.  She also showed me a prize box and said he could pick a prize at the end of each session.  He's very reward driven so that should be a good incentive for him.  We shall see how things go when he starts testing her, but I think she'll be a good fit.  Then I proceeded to the nurse's office.  I mentioned to her how over the whole Summer I only had to help him wipe his butt about 3x so if he has issues at school where he needs me like that it's either because he misses me, anxiety or something else related to school.  She said she's suspected that all along.  

He came home from school saying how he met his new counselor and thinks she's nice.  He said that only one friend from last year is still in his class.  We talked about how he could make new friends.  A little after 7 pm he was complaining of a headache.  I gave him a big cup of water to drink.  DH had him put his pajamas on and go lay down.  By 7:30 he was sound asleep, which is different. During the Summer he stayed up until 8:30ish.  I guess his brain got tired from thinking so much and all the stimulation at school.

Twas the night before school began...

My girls began school yesterday.  Honeybunches begins tomorrow.  I was happy when one of the pages I subscribe to on Facebook posted this a few days ago: 

A Teacher's Cheat Sheet about My Child | Parenting Special Needs Magazine

I made one up for the new counselor at Honeybunches' school.  I am amazed how well he is doing this year.  Usually every year for a few days before school begins he has very high anxiety, so much so that he can't sleep.  He seems to be doing fine this year.  He went to sleep without any issues tonight.  I hope he has a great 1st day and transitions well to his new counselor.  I signed a Release of Information so his outside counselor whom he's seen since he was four can talk to the new school counselor.  I hope the principal at his school doesn't judge him based on how he was at her school in Kindergarten.  This is her 1st year running his school.  She was previously the principal at the K-2 school, where he only went for two months of Kindergarten before moving down to his current school (Which housed his old behavioral classroom).  He has issues with changes and transitions.  Thankfully he'll still have Mrs Understanding for his teacher and Mr N for his aide.  I also wrote a note to Mrs Understanding about Summer Updates and my concerns for the school year.  My concerns include how he will do with the staff changes; how he will adjust to his new counselor, and where he will go when he needs space since they rearranged the school and moved Mr M's Behavioral Class to a whole new section as they expanded that program. That's where he used to go to use the "Time out space" when he needed to escape the world. 

Shaddered Dreams: One door closes to open another...

I received a letter in the mail last week that shattered my dreams of continuing my education to get my Associate's in Early Childhood, working in the daycare again as a Lead Teacher, and of one day becoming a director of a daycare center.  This letter was from the Headstart program where I was supposed to do my practicum beginning in a couple weeks.  They said they completed the CORI and DCF checks.  DCF is the Child Protective Services in my state.  Well the CORI check came back fine as I knew it would.  The DCF check held a surprise that was an "Automatic Disqualification".  It said "Neglect 2005. Closed." Thanks DCF.  Thanks Police Department.  One night back in 2005 DH was drinking and wanted to drive.  I got upset.  Things got loud.  The police ended up being called.  They came to the house and entered the kitchen.  DH was sitting at the table with his beer and prescription psych meds in front of him on the table.  They questioned him about taking psych meds while drinking.  Then I guess they filed a 51a (Suspected Abuse/Neglect) report because the next day DCF came knocking on the door.  They agreed with the police that drinking while taking psych meds is neglect.  They said I was neglectful for not stopping him and allowing him too.  It's not like he's a child.  He's a grown man.  The children had clothing and toys.  The house was clean.  They had everything they needed including a lot of love and a lot of people who'd witness to that.  Still taking prescription meds while drinking was neglectful?  Anyways I remember asking them if anything would show up on my record because my career was working with children.  They told me "No it will not" so I didn't worry.  DH went to detox and rehab.  He has remained sober since then not picking up once. (Awesome news for an alcoholic... going on 7 years sobriety!)  When this letter came it was a big surprise.  I was so upset, heartbroken and felt lost.  I spent the last year at college studying for my Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education.  That was a year wasted.  If I would have known this last year I would have studied something else.  I emailed my practicum professor.  There was nothing she could do.  I dropped out of college. :(  I know that there is a reason for everything although we don't always know what it is.  I feel like I am being led back into being a CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) again.  I called a few places about classes and am waiting to hear back from them.  I loved my previous jobs as a CNA.  My 1st one, when I was only 19 was at a pediatric nursing home for medically fragile children.  I would have stayed there forever, but once we moved out of state it was too far to keep traveling.  My 2nd more recent CNA job (Which I left in 2008 when Honeybunches was unstable and struggling) was at an elderly nursing home.  I loved everything about that except having to work holidays and every other weekend.  Now that the children are a few years older I think it would work out better. Plus they are so used to being broke now they'd be happy if we had more spending money I think.  I feel my calling in life is to help others.  That's what makes me happiest.  Sibyl Chavis says "It's not a problem if one door closes.  It's a problem if you don't realize you are being redirected to something so much better."  That fits my life good right now. 

Dear Dad: Thanks for the peaches!

Dad, I think you'd be proud of Mom and I today.  There were a ton of recently fallen peaches under the tree and many ripe ones on it.  Being resourceful as you  always were we peeled, cut, and froze a huge strainer full of them.  We each have a huge zip lock freezer bag full of peaches for later use. Mom was saying you should have lived one more year to see them.  We both think you can see them from heaven and I think you gave them to us because last year there was only 1 peach.  This year there are literally 100+. Dad, even Natasia likes your peaches and she hates the ones in the can.  I miss you each day, but I want you to know we are okay.  Mom is doing better and not as sad these days.  I know this weekend will be hard for her though as it would have been your 40th anniversary. 

Butterfly Nightmares

Last night before bed I put Honeybunches' prescription cream on his belly and arms where he had the rash.  About 2 am he woke up screaming and crying.  "Mommy!  Mommy! Can I come in your bed?  I had a really bad dream.  The butterfly killed me.  It was eating me!"  He was crying and terrified.  Was this more than a coincidence?  He hasn't had nightmares that have woke him, that he's talked about, or night terrors in a few years.  I guess we'll put the cream on him tonight and see if it happens again.  He loves butterflies so much, which is what makes the dream so much more odd.  He spends most of his days trying to catch them.  He wanders off sometimes trying to catch them. 

Another Mystery...

Honeybunches seen the pdoc on Monday.  He's doing so well.  He sat so quietly for the whole appointment.  His recent blood work showed his Lithium level to be 1.2.  The pdoc was a bit concerned about that.  I could tell by her facial expressions.  She decided to leave it alone because he's doing so good.  He is not showing any signs of Lithium toxicity.  No diarrhea or anything like he had in the phosp when he got toxic.  I'm trying to get him to drink more water and am watching him carefully.  I had her fill out two med order forms for school: One for his Tenex at noon time and one for Water.  Hahaha but it worked great last year.  Once she wrote that letter they took pushing his water intake more seriously.  I also requested a lab slip to check his levels again at the beginning of next month.  I thought it would be a great idea to keep a close eye on them since his levels were so high.  Pdoc agreed.

Honeybunches has a mystery rash.  IDK what it is.  I took him to see his family practitioner today.  We didn't get more answers as to what it is, just more about what it's not.  It's not poison ivy.  Not poison oak.  Not poison sumac.  Not Chicken Pox.  Not hand-foot-mouth.  The doc actually said she was going to look in her books cause she had no idea what it was.  She didn't get any answers from them either lol.  She said she wished other docs were in the office today so somebody else could take a look at it.  It's a mystery just like many things with my boy.  I questioned if it could be med related.  She said "No because it would be all over his body".  The rash began on his stomach and chest two days ago.  Today it went onto his arms too.  I'm concerned.  She called in a prescription for an antifungal + steroid cream.  We shall see how that goes.  I hope it helps the rash and doesn't make my boy irritable, manic or anything.  She said if the rash is not better by Monday to call the office again.  Monday we go to Boston to see his Developmental Behavioral Pedi though, so I might have her take a look at it too although she sees him for his Autism.  Then Tuesday I might call the docs office to see if another doc is on that day.

I've been mad at DH lately.  One of his old girlfriends whom he was intimate with way back when he was a teen friended him on Facebook.  He messaged her and gave her his phone #.  She commented on his picture "Looking good".  I am so frustrated about this whole situation.  I don't even want to be intimate with him anymore.  IDK if I even want to be with him.  If the shoes were turned and it was me friending one of my old boyfriends he would FLIP!  The situation would not be pretty.  I know it wouldn't be.  I don't trust him.  He's going to NYC tomorrow with the Pastor from our church.  For all I know he could have texted this old girlfriend telling her that he is coming down and to meet him.  DH has been irritable again lately, especially with the children and it really annoys me.  Sometimes I think we'd be better off without him.  Then I think of how it would be raising Honeybunches without him.  That would be a major struggle.

My girls begin school on the 27th.  Honeybunches begins on the 29th.  I start on September 5th.  Those are all coming up so fast!  At least I'll have a week after they go back to get some things straightened up around here before I go back.  Honeybunches room could probably use some TLC lol.  He's been cleaning it himself which is awesome, but I have reason to believe that some treasures will be waiting for me under his bed, in his toy boxes and under his bureau. 

Concerning Imaginary Games

The past couple weeks have been going really good for Honeybunches.  His behaviors have been good.  No major aggression, tempers or rages.  He's been in the "Sunshine" as we call stability for a little while again since his last Lithium raise. 

There has been something both good and concerning though.  The good part is that he's begun doing imaginary play!!! That's a big thing for him because he has always been so literal and never really used his imagination even when he was younger.  It's a great step that he is now.  What's concerning is the way he's using it.  His beanie babies and webkinz get shot and raped by other ones.  I strongly believe he gets this all from one of the only shows he'll watch lately "Law and Order SVU".  Yeah not the best choice for a child I am learning.  It's literally about the only thing he will watch though.  I am thinking I may have to try hard to get him more interested in Sponge Bob and Icarly again.  I had a talk with him and told him that he can't play the rape games.  Even with it coming from television, if he goes to school in a couple weeks playing those games it might not go over so well.... no I know it won't go over so well with a new principal and counselor.  I believe they would not hesitate to call DCF about that and file a report.  I figured I'd deal with one situation at a time and figured the animals raping each other took priority over them shooting each other.  I'll deal with that in a couple days.  Since I've told him no more rape games, they have stopped doing that.

I asked him one day if he knew what raped meant.  He told me to look it up on Google lol.  He had no clue, except that's what he heard on Law & Order.  Then I began explaining that it means forcing somebody to have sex.  Then he had no clue what sex was.  I almost got in over my head and wasn't ready for that conversation yet so I figured I'd stop there.  I know one day I'll have to have "The Talk" but not yet.  He has no interest in girls, sex, or anything like that yet. 

All his animals get from the police (Which is he's the officer) is time out.  I told him his animals could go to jail for life for shooting.  Maybe I should try taking one away telling him that no shooting is allowed here?  Maybe that would work.  Sometimes honestly I wonder how much of what goes on with him could be genetic.  I guess the raping stuff bothers me more because his bio sperm donor was very aggressive in many ways with me that I don't want to get into. Let me just say the things he used to do to me have me concerned for Honeybunches' future as I hope he gets enough help early on that he doesn't turn out like him. Thankfully my DH came back into our lives (We were married before from 1998-2000 then married again in 2002) when he was 3 weeks old and has been Daddy ever since.