Hopes and Fears

---"The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears." (Ellen Goodman)

I was going through old quotes this morning and came across this one. Think about what it says for a couple minutes. Break it apart piece by piece. "The central struggle of parenthood..." We sure have a lot of struggles don't we? "... Is to let our hopes for our children..." We all have high hopes for them. It's important to believe in them. They need us on their side, even when nobody else in the world is. We hope that they shoot for the stars and if they miss, at least they can touch the moon. "... The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears." As parents, we all have many fears for our children. Which are stronger in your journey? It can be so hard to not let our fears outweigh our hopes, for it seems they are more deeply routed in our hearts. Let's break this down a bit more:

My hopes for Honeybunches are:
-That he'll grow up to be a respectful citizen.
-That he'll learn more coping skills to get through life.
-That he'll learn to advocate for himself.
-That he'll continue to get the help he needs in school.
-That he'll follow his dreams.
-That he'll accomplish whatever he sets his heart to doing.
-For him to one day find a wife who can tolerate him and for him to have a family, if that's what he chooses to do. 

My fears are that:
-He'll become unstable during the teen years, needing to be hospitalized again.
-That if he becomes unstable in the teen years, he'll likely be stronger than Momma. (Note to self: Begin lifting weights soon lol.)
-That he might end up in an RTC at some point.
-What if he gets older and decides he doesn't need his medications anymore. 
-What if the school can't handle him?
-Who will care for him when I'm gone?
-Will he be able to live on his own?
-Will he be able to hold down a job?
-Will he graduate, or be educated until age 22 and just receive a "Certificate of Completion" (Which would not be the worst thing in the world, but is still something I often wonder about.
-What will happen to him when he does turn 22 and all the services from the school district disappear?

I have many more fears that often take residence in my mind, but those are the ones I could think off quickly. It's hard to not let all those fears outweigh the hopes. They tug on the heart strings more than the hopes do. They take over my mind, causing worry and anxiety. I try to let Go and give it to the man above, but honestly I need to work on trusting him more and letting go of my control. There are some things in life that we're not in control over, so why do we worry about them? Back to the quote, the struggle is real. We do have to keep hope though, because sometimes in this journey it's all we have left. Our children need us to believe in them.
~Honeybunches' Momma.